April looked back up at Meredith’s face frown as she continued to talk, realizing that she’d done it again. She’d preemptively apologized, without even being certain that it was necessary. “I…” She stumbled, shaking her head. “I’m just not sure you want to hear about my… I mean. We hardly ever talk and now… We’re basically talking about…” April trailed off gesturing with her hands vaguely and dropping to a whisper, “Sex.” Flushing, April looked down at her hands, feeling like she’d inevitablly made things more awkward. She’d never been good at talking about sex, though, and she’d always been awkward, so no big surprise.
April nodded and felt relatively heartened to listen to Meredith speak about about herself and Derek. Maybe their road to each other and their own happily ever after hadn’t been as easy or simple as April had imagined. Thinking back, April realized that she did have a hint about the not so easy path to togetherness that Meredith and Derek had. In the shock and tragedy of the shooting, she’d sat on a scrub room floor with Meredith once. April had been in shock and deeply sad about Reed so she hadn’t paid too much attention. But the other doctor had said some things then that made April curious now. Before she could stop herself, April asked, “You said… I remember you said, it took you a long time to find Derek. A long time to know… that you wanted him… what… what did you mean?”
April worried a little that she might have crossed a line. She always felt a little tentative with Meredith in their quasi friendship. She was actually sure that if the shooting had never happened, they would never have lived with each other, or have gotten closer. Especially given an inappropriate crush April had once harbored for Derek. She was actually really surprised to hear that Meredith wanted to do a dinner or something with her. Like a double date sort of thing. She’d never done a double date! Ever. She’d never had anyone to go with. She resisted the urge to text her sister, right then and there.
Trying to hide her internal delight, April grinned, “Great. Great. That will be fun. Awesome.” She sniffed, still probably way too excited about this than she should be. It was just another new thing that April had never had the chance to do because she’d never really been in a relationship. To other people, little things like double dating didn’t seem like a huge deal, but to April it was a milestone. Looked across the table to Meredith and smiled, happy to be hanging out with her, and waited to see what would happen next.
She found it amusing the way April tiptoed around the word “sex”, but it didn’t bother Meredith much. It just brought a smile to her face, how hard April tried to impress people. She had to give the girl points for putting on a brave face day after day after day. Meredith listened intently at April’s next question, and in the back of her mind she started to slowly realize that she actually cared about what the other doctor was saying. Normally, whatever came out of April’s mouth was high pitched and somewhat squeaky and Meredith had no care for it, but this conversation was proving to make her night much more interesting. It took her a fair amount of time to properly link April’s hesitant phrases together, but Meredith figured out the full question soon enough. “Oh,” she nodded, correctly remembering that conversation in her mind as well. The day Derek was shot, the day she sat on the floor of the scrub room gripping April’s hand for dear life as she prayed her husband was okay. “He used to love me more than I loved him,” she said, tilting her head as she thought. “And then eventually it was back and forth between us. It took us awhile to find the perfect balance of give and take that’s healthy for a relationship… I, he said I was constantly leaving him. And that’s because I didn’t know what I wanted. I’m dark and twisty, or used to be,” she smiled somewhat. “And because of my mom having Alzheimer’s and a bunch of other things,” here Meredith waved her hand like all those things were in the past, “I didn’t know I wanted him. And when I did, it was always too late or the wrong timing.”
She finished the last bite of cake before continuing, “I couldn’t always trust him, either. It took an equally long time for Derek to break down my walls and get me to fully trust him. He didn’t understand me for the longest time either.” There seemed to have been so many barriers in her relationship with Derek that they’d overcome over the years, Meredith was proud of them for how far they’d come and how much they’d achieved together. “I guess you’re lucky in a way, you don’t really have the same walls I do,” she said, playing with the plastic fork in her hand as she spoke.
Meredith had to smile at April’s excitement, the happiness mimicking that of a puppy’s. “A double date would be fun,” she smiled, drumming her fingers lightly on the table as she thought about the prospective night. She couldn’t imagine what the conversation would be like, but Mer had hope that things would turn out alright. Keeping the faith, that was her new motto. She’d try her best. It was apparent that April was just as confused and scared as any of the other residents, and she needed a bit of a push towards love; but Meredith thought maybe she was willing to be that person. Sure, April sometimes annoyed the heck out of her with her chief resident habits, but maybe, just maybe, the two could find some way to be friends.
ooc: alsjdlagj who in the world did will-hunt used to be? it’s driving me crazy. someone figure this out for me?
ooc: still here, just immensely busy. i’ll be back full time soon!
ooc: aw guys, i’m reading through all your ooc replies and all of you are just so sweet and inspiring, that some of you want to be the first to go to college (med school!) in your families. it’s lovely and a breath of fresh air! thank you for making this afternoon better in a small way :)
April hunched her shoulders a little when she detected a hint of disbelief in Meredith’s voice about telling Erik about her status. “It’s totally unbelievable right? I mean, I didn’t exactly tell him right away, so when I told him I was afraid he’d… leave or something. He could still leave because of it.” April blinked rapidly when she realized that she was, however obliquely, talking with her housemate about sex, a topic April never really talked to anyone about. Meredith wasn’t teasing her, but April held back on voicing her deepest concerns about Erik and her virginity. That she still wouldn’t be ready soon enough, and that he’d leave her for someone who he could sleep with more easily. The words were on the verge of leaving her lips before April paused in the ramble. She wasn’t sure if Meredith really wanted or cared to hear about any of this. “Sorry,” April said quietly.
She shrugged as Meredith stated that Erik’s actions probably boded well for their relationship. “I’m still half afraid I’ll wake up and none of this will have been real, or that he’ll snap out of it and realize I’m totally annoying. Or it’s all part of some incredibly cruel joke being played on me. And, like, I know he’s not the kind of guy to do that too me. Everything he’s shown me about the kind of person he is shows that he’s not that kind of guy. I guess I just expect the other shoe to drop, because it always has before. I’m not sure I am very good at judging character. Usually my love life is ridiculous.”
Placing her elbow on the table and resting her head on her hand, April took another bite of the cake. Erik always said that she had a problem with self confidence. That she always headed into a situation expecting that she’d need to apologize, or that it would turn out to be a flop because she could be awkward. She’d work on it; she’d stay optimistic about this relationship. “Erik says I shouldn’t always expect things to be messed up though. He thinks I just need to believe in myself more.” April raised her eyebrows and sighed, “So, I’m giving it a try. He’s just so… great. Nice. Not just to me; to everyone. He had a brain tumor as a kid, and his surgeon saved him. Which inspired him. How great is that? Maybe…” April had an idea, but she wasn’t sure if Meredith would like it. She exhaled, and swallowed before throwing out her suggestion, “Maybe we could all get dinner together sometime? You, and Derek, and me and Erik. He loves working with Dr. Shepherd, and it might be good for them to hang out outside the OR.”
Quickly realizing that maybe talking about neuro would make Meredith sad, April stopped abruptly. Trying to think of a way to change the topic, she slid the plate with the remaining desert across the table toward her housemate. “I’m getting full, but I’d hate to see it go to waste. Cake?”
“I’m not sure he’ll leave,” Meredith murmured softly, contemplating the possibility of someone like Erik Gallagher leaving April Kepner. It was almost unbelievable they’d gotten together in the first place, but Meredith wasn’t really one to judge on the probability of relationships. She knew that 50% of marriages ended in divorce these days, which of course led her to think about Derek. No, she didn’t think Derek would ever leave her and she didn’t think she’d ever leave Derek either. And yet they’d gone through so much; he’d saved her from drowning, she’d watched him get shot and survive. It was so much, and yet they were still together and they pulled through stronger everytime. Really, she had no right to make comments on April’s new relationship. At least the other resident was happy, and that was all that mattered. “Sorry for what?” Meredith frowned, genuinely confused as to why April was apologizing. The girl hadn’t done anything wrong, had she? Or had Meredith missed something in April’s ramble?
“Oh, life’s not a dream,” Meredith chuckled, amused. What if life was a dream? And she woke up the next morning having never messed with the clinical trial? “You’re not going to wake up and find him gone because it was all a dream April, trust me,” she smiled a bit across the table to show the doctor that she was being honest and caring. It was interesting to see how much April emotionally struggled through the conversation as she attempted to sort our her feelings. Clearly, April was very close to falling head over heels with the charming, nice, great human being that Erik was proving to be. Even Meredith could feel herself wondering what the new neuro resident working under Derek was really like. Was he as great as April gushed about? Could someone be that good of a person, given April’s intimacy “issues”? Derek was Meredith’s McDreamy, but she could very easily see Erik being April’s McDreamy. It was all weird and amusing to think about and a smile continued to tug at Mer’s mouth while she listened to April talk. She figured it was just nice to see April finally get something good in life, that was all.
“Look at Derek and myself,” Meredith let the smile show. “Talk about having a ridiculous love life,” she shook her head, although her smile stayed. If April didn’t know about the history Meredith had gone through with Derek, the chief resident would probably find out soon enough. Even though she’d been at SGMW for years and years, nurses and interns never stopped gossiping about the love story that belonged to and was written by Derek and Meredith. She continued listening, leaning with her elbows on the table, intrigued by the brain tumor story and how it inspired Erik to become a surgeon. She figured that the brain tumor and appreciation for life was what molded Erik into the person April liked so much, but she couldn’t be sure until she really spoke to the other resident. But as April suggested a dinner—a double date, really, between Derek, herself, April, and Erik, Meredith hesitated a bit. How would that go? She hadn’t been sure how much she liked April prior to this conversation and Erik had taken her place in neuro. Did she really want to put herself in that position? She pursed her lips, thinking on how to answer.
Meredith leant back as April pushed the cake towards her, picking up the plastic fork and taking a bite to accept the dessert. She chewed slowly, waiting until the chocolate had disappeared from her mouth so that she could have time to formulate an answer to April. “I’d love to,” the words surprised Meredith as they left her mouth; she wasn’t sure what she’d been expecting but she hadn’t known she’d agree so easily. “I’ll let Derek know, and then all of us can go out together some night. It’ll be fun,” she smiled, taking another bite of the cake. She continued to surprise herself with how she finished her sentence, but it did make her smile. Dinner with Erik and April would be interesting, if anything else. As long as Derek was there, Mer knew things would turn out okay. His reassuring hand over hers would make any night go smoothly, she knew that much.
ooc: oh gosh, i sure hope so! especially after the emotional beauty that was merder’s reunion with zola and starting a family in 8x10, i really hope zola comes back in all my rps too. but for now, i don’t have a derek so we’ll see! (psst, someone pretty please take up the part of derek!)
I’m glad you’re back. It’s just not the same without you here. I’ve been doing alright considering the circumstances. A lot has happened, hopefully we can catch up soon?
Izzie? Izzie! When did you get back here?